Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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