I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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