Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
