this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
