Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
