dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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