she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
