We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
