I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
