We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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