I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
