Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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