apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
