Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
