Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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