I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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