Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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