Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
