Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
