I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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