Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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