I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
