I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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