U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
