Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
