your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
