I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
