hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
