google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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