just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
