Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
