well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
