whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
