We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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