I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
