There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
