How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
did i walk over a car last night?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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