her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The ass gains better be worth it
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