she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
