Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
