apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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