Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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