Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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