and she was petting her beer can
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
