It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
