So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
