Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I see more hoeing in ur future
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
