is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
