If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
