It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
