The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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