The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
