Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
