I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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