I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
