Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
