I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
