he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i came on her dog
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
