i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
