Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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